Becoming a mom was the best thing that ever happened for me. When I became pregnant, it was during a period of me trying to figure out what was next for me. I was looking at my life of so many missed opportunities and couldn’t see a way to get back on a path towards success. I was lonely and desperate, and picked up a number of bad habits in the process. Everything from my health to my spiritual life was jacked up.
Discovering that I was going to be a mom changed all of that immediately. Knowing that I was going to have a child to model good behavior to gave me a sense of purpose and responsibility. I did a lot of hard work during my nine months of pregnancy, too. Healing from the trauma of past relationships, reading more, creating a new plan for my career—if it was going to make me better, I did it.
And it paid off. I’m far from perfect, but I’m a much better person than I used to be. Every day I’m learning and growing, and I’m proud of how I’m representing for my daughter.
My daughter is at the age where she’s very much influenced by who I am and what I do. I see glimpses of myself in her personality all the time. Since she’s watching me, it’s important for me to be someone who is worthy of her emulating. I don’t want her to grow up to be timid and unsure of herself. I want her to be self-confident and brave. She should know that she’s worthy of great things, and that she can do anything. It’s hard for her to believe me when I say it’s possible for her if she sees that I don’t believe that’s all possible for me.
We have to be the women we want our girls to be. Letting go of these bad habits will not just serve us, but our daughters as well.
Instead of focusing on the problem, look on the bright side, or find a solution. Complaining doesn’t help anyone, but it annoys everyone.
2. Talking bad about your body
You can’t expect your daughter to love herself exactly the way she is if you’re always talking about what’s wrong with you and the way you look. Talking bad about your body will have your daughter looking in the mirror pointing out her trouble spots.
If you do something wrong or hurt someone, of course you should apologize. However, if you always say you’re sorry and apologize for just existing, your daughter is going to pick up on that. She has the right to ask a question, speak, or just be without apology. And so do you.
4. Not sticking up for yourself
I believe in taking the high road in most situations. I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to win every argument. What I won’t do, however, is allow someone to walk all over me. Don’t be a pushover, Mama. Show your daughter how to stand up for herself in a classy way and you’ll keep her safe from abusive people forever.
5. Saying yes when you want to say no
Being a people pleaser is a terrible habit and not one that I’d wish on my worse enemy, let alone my daughter. Naturally you want to teach your daughter about helping others and taking care of her obligations, but she needs to know that it doesn’t have to be at the expense of her own welfare.
6. Expecting the worse
Do you only see clouds and never the silver lining in situations? First of all, that’s a terrible way to live life. There are so many wonderful things that can happen if you’re open to it! Being a pessimist takes up so much energy. Teach your daughter to expect abundance, and watch how it comes into her life.
7. Holding on to unhealthy relationships
I broke up with my ex while I was pregnant. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone or what your status is. If they are not good for you, let them go. Show your daughter that she doesn’t have to stay in a bad relationship (with family or friends) for any reason. Both she and you deserve better.
8. Eating food that isn’t good for you
Our kids are picking up so many habits from us. If we want them to be healthy in the future, we have to help them create those healthy habits now. They are watching every thing we put into our mouth. If we don’t eat it, they won’t either.
9. Putting work before everything else
Work is important, but it’s not most important. You don’t want your daughter to grow up to be a workaholic who puts work before everything, do you? Show her what a healthy work / life balance looks like so she won’t have unrealistic expectations about what she’s supposed to do when she gets her own job.
10. Forgetting to practice self-care
Massages, meditation and prayer, getting your hair done—however you choose to practice self-care, make sure you’re doing it regularly. Your daughter needs to know that taking care of herself is supposed to be a priority. If she sees you blocking out time to focus on your wellness, she’ll understand just how important it is.